Beyond Prayers: What candidates need most from their parents
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Across the country, many schools are holding dedication and thanksgiving services for candidates preparing for their final examinations. In churches and school compounds, parents, teachers and religious leaders gather to pray for candidates in Primary Seven, Senior Four and Senior Six.
These occasions matter. They allow families and schools to thank God for bringing their children this far and to seek strength and guidance for the examination season ahead. But when the prayers end and the children return to their books, every parent should ask: what does my child need from me now? The answer may be more than another reminder to revise.
For many candidates, examinations are already a source of anxiety. They know their results matter. They hear adults discussing grades, school choices and future careers. Some have been told, directly or indirectly, that their performance will decide whether their parents can be proud of them. Parents must be careful here.
Prayer should bring peace, not pressure A dedication service should reassure a child that they are supported. It should not make them feel that failing an examination means failing God, their school, their parents, or everyone who believes in them.
Children need to know they are expected to work hard, but also that their worth is greater than their examination grades. That is the difference between telling a child, “Do your best,” and telling them, “You must get the best marks.” The first encourages responsibility. The second can breed fear and anxiety that undermine performance.
What parents say at home matters Parents sometimes underestimate the power of ordinary conversations. A candidate who comes home after a difficult day does not always need another question about how many chapters they have covered. They may need a parent who asks, “How are you feeling?” and says, “I know you will make it.” They may simply need the reassurance that home remains a safe place even when school becomes stressful.
Do not compare children Statements such as “Your cousin is already doing better than you” may be meant as motivation, but they can easily produce shame, resentment and self-doubt. Every child has different abilities, challenges and learning needs. Candidates are already under enough pressure to pass. This season calls for encouragement, not compulsion.
Support the child, not just the candidate It is easy during examination season to see a child mainly as a candidate whose job is to produce good results. But before they are candidates, they are children. They still need sleep, nutritious meals, time to relax, affection and encouragement. They need parents and teachers who notice when they are overwhelmed instead of simply demanding more effort.
Help them think about what comes next For parents of Senior Four and Senior Six candidates, there is another responsibility: helping children think about their future. The conversation should not only be, “Which course will give you the highest-paying job?” It should also ask: What are you good at? What interests you? What kind of person do you want to become? Guidance is important, but parents should not turn a child’s future into an unfinished version of their own dreams.
When the results come The examinations will eventually end, and results will be released next year. Some families will celebrate exceptional performances. Others will face disappointment and difficult decisions. That is when the quality of our parenting will truly be tested.
If a child performs well, celebrate the achievement without making marks the measure of their identity. If the results are disappointing, resist the temptation to shame, insult or withdraw affection. A poor result may call for reflection, better strategies or a different educational pathway. It does not require a child to believe they have become a failure.
The prayers offered in schools this season should therefore continue beyond the service. When all the examinations are over, a child is likely to remember something more fundamental: whether, when the pressure was greatest, their parents made them feel loved, or merely expected to succeed.
That may be the most important lesson we can teach our children this examination season. I wish all candidates success in their forthcoming examinations.
The writer is the Executive Director of Hope Regeneration Africa, Parenting Coach, Marriage Counsellor, and Founder of the Men of Purpose Mentorship Programme.