Pay attention to your children's high demands
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As children prepare to return to school this weekend and next week, many parents are busy buying books, paying school fees, shopping for necessities, and ensuring their children settle well for the new term. However, beyond the excitement of reporting back to school lies an issue that many families silently struggle with: children whose demands keep increasing beyond what is reasonable or necessary.
Some ask for excessive pocket money, expensive gadgets, luxurious personal items, fashionable clothes, or unnecessary school requirements.
Others pressure parents into lifestyles they cannot sustain simply because they want to fit in with friends or imitate social media trends. If not addressed early, such behavior can produce entitled and irresponsible adults. Parents must therefore learn how to manage children's demands wisely and intentionally.
Understanding the root cause
Children rarely become demanding overnight. In many cases, their behaviour is shaped by the environment around them. Some children are influenced by peer pressure at school, where status is measured by expensive shoes, smartphones, hairstyles, or the amount of money one spends. Others are heavily influenced by social media, celebrities, or the wealthy lifestyles they constantly consume online. Some children simply grow up in homes where every request is immediately fulfilled without boundaries. Over time, they begin to believe that getting everything they want is normal and deserved.
Parents should therefore look beyond the behaviour itself and understand the influences behind it. A child demanding too much may actually be struggling with insecurity, identity, competition, or a lack of values.
Dangerous pocket money
One of the greatest concerns today is excessive pocket money among school-going children. While parents may think they are helping their children feel comfortable at school, too much uncontrolled money can expose them to dangerous habits. Some students use the money to experiment with alcohol, drugs, smoking, betting, or other harmful substances. Others use it to entertain unhealthy friendships or lifestyles that distract them from education and discipline.
Sadly, many parents only discover these behaviors after serious damage has already occurred. The problem is not merely giving money; it is giving money without accountability, guidance, or monitoring.
Children should understand that pocket money is for essential personal needs, not for luxury, competition, or reckless spending. Parents who give large sums of money simply to avoid appearing "poor" before other parents or fellow children may unknowingly be financing destructive behaviour.
Avoid parenting through guilt
Some parents overprovide because they feel guilty. Busy parents may compensate for their absence by giving children excessive money or expensive gifts. Divorced or separated parents may also compete for children's affection through material things. Others fear that denying children certain luxuries will make them feel unloved.
However, love is not measured by how much money a parent gives. In fact, children who receive everything without limits often struggle with gratitude, patience, resilience, and responsibility later in life. Responsible parenting sometimes requires saying "no" even when you can afford to say "yes."
Teach children the difference between needs vs wants
Many children today do not understand the difference between needs and wants. A child may need school shoes, but not necessarily the most expensive pair available. A student may need transport money, but not daily amounts meant for luxury consumption.
Many children today struggle because they have never been taught financial discipline. They grow up believing that comfort is a right rather than a privilege earned through responsibility and hard work.
Parents should intentionally involve children in conversations about budgeting, priorities, and financial realities. Let children understand that money is earned through effort and should be used wisely. This helps them develop appreciation instead of entitlement.
Set boundaries without fear
Some parents fear that setting limits will make children unhappy. Yet children actually thrive where healthy boundaries exist. A home without limits eventually creates confusion and indiscipline.
If a child is given a specific amount of pocket money, parents should explain why it is enough instead of constantly giving in to pressure, which trains them to manipulate situations emotionally. Boundaries should be firm but loving. Though children may complain initially, many later appreciate the discipline they received.
Do not compete with other parents
Some parents feel pressured to provide certain lifestyles simply because other families are doing so. Unfortunately, this creates unnecessary financial stress and unhealthy parenting decisions.
Every family has different values, priorities, and financial abilities. Parents must refuse to raise children around competition and appearance. A child should never grow up believing that their worth is determined by brands, luxury, or outward display. Children who grow up understanding contentment and simplicity are often emotionally healthier and more focused than those raised in constant comparison. Such children may deter corruption in adulthood.
Observe sudden behavioural changes
Parents must remain observant, especially during school terms. Sudden increases in money requests, secrecy, aggressive behaviour, isolation, declining academic performance, or unexplained expenses may signal deeper problems.
Sometimes, children demanding too much are already involved in harmful peer groups or dangerous habits. Parents should maintain regular communication with teachers, school administrators, and even trusted guardians to monitor children's behaviour. The goal is not to spy on children but to remain responsibly involved in their lives.
Teach gratitude and responsibility
Children who appreciate small things rarely become excessively demanding. Parents should intentionally teach gratitude from an early age. Let children participate in household responsibilities, understand sacrifice, and appreciate effort.
A child who has never experienced responsibility may easily misuse privilege.
However, children who are taught discipline, accountability, and service often develop maturity and self-control. Parents should also avoid giving children everything immediately. Sometimes waiting teaches patience and value better than instant satisfaction.
Build strong relationships with your children
Many demanding behaviours are symptoms of emotional distance between parents and children. Some children seek attention through material demands because an emotional connection is missing at home.
Parents should create time to talk with children about school life, friendships, fears, and pressures. Children who feel emotionally connected to parents are more likely to accept guidance and resist negative peer influence. The strongest protection against negative peer influence is often a strong relationship at home.
Raising children for life, not for appearance
Ultimately, parenting is not about impressing society. It is about preparing children for responsible adulthood. A child who learns discipline, gratitude, self-control, and contentment is far more prepared for life than one who grows up believing the world owes them everything.
Parents must remember that not every demand deserves fulfillment. Sometimes the greatest act of love is not giving children more money, more luxury, or more freedom, but giving them wisdom, boundaries, and character.
As schools reopen, let us not only prepare children academically. Let us also prepare them morally, emotionally, financially, and socially. The habits children develop now may determine the kind of adults they become tomorrow.
The writer is the Executive Director of Hope Regeneration Africa, Parenting Coach, Marriage Counsellor, and Founder of the Men of Purpose Mentorship Programme.