The back-to-school conversation you need to have with your child
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Last term, a mother told her son, cheerfully, "You must be excited to go back and see your friends." He nodded and said nothing else. It was only days later, once he was already back at school, that a teacher called to say he had been struggling with anxiety about an exam he had failed the term before. He had not been excited at all. He had simply not known how to say so.
The school fees may be paid, the suitcase may be ready and the uniform may be neatly packed, but before you send your child back to school, ask yourself one important question: is my child really ready to go back? Third term deserves particular attention because it is the promotional term, with final exams for candidate classes. For many learners, it is the last opportunity in the academic year to consolidate what they have learnt and show they are ready for the next level. Before your child leaves home, have a real conversation, not just a checklist.
"How are you feeling about going back?"
Do not assume your child is excited simply because the holiday is ending. Some children are eager to return to friends and school activities. Others may be anxious about academics, teachers, exams or friendships, or about something that happened last term. Instead of saying "you are going back to school, so be serious" or "if you don't perform, you will see me," ask how they are feeling, then listen without immediately correcting, dismissing or lecturing. Sometimes the answer reveals something you need to know before they leave.
"Is there anything worrying you?"
This question opens doors that ordinary conversations never do. Your child could be worried about a difficult subject, bullying, a friendship problem, peer pressure, loneliness, punishment or simply the fear of not performing as expected. Create an atmosphere where they can speak honestly without fearing punishment or judgement. A child who knows home is a safe place to raise a problem is more likely to ask for help before a small problem becomes a crisis.
"What do you want to do differently this term?"
Help your child look back before moving forward. What went well? What did not? Where did they struggle, and what habits affected their performance? Then help them identify two or three realistic, measurable improvements, not ten resolutions that will disappear within two weeks. For one child it may be reading every evening. For another it may be arriving in class on time, reducing phone use, completing assignments or asking teachers for help when a topic is difficult. Children often already sense what their problems are. Your conversation can help them think through what to do about it.
"What will you do when things go wrong?"
This matters particularly for adolescents. Talk about peer pressure, conflict, temptation, failure, anger and difficult decisions. Remind your child that making a mistake does not mean they have failed in life, and that what matters is taking responsibility, learning and seeking help. Tell them clearly: if something goes wrong at school, do not hide it. Call home, talk to a teacher, seek help. Children need to know what to do not only when things are going well, but when they are not.
"How can we support you?"
This may be the most powerful question of all. Parents often spend so much time telling children what is expected of them that they forget to ask what the child needs in return. One child may need help with a difficult subject. Another may need encouragement, or simply the knowledge that their parents are proud of their effort and not only their report card. Even in boarding school, the parent-child relationship should stay alive through communication, encouragement and genuine interest in the child's wellbeing.
Pack more than the suitcase
As you pack uniforms, books and toiletries, remember that the most important things your child carries to school cannot fit in a suitcase: your words, the confidence you have given them, the values you have taught them, and the knowledge that home remains a safe place to return to when things become difficult.
So before you wave goodbye this weekend, make the final conversation something that strengthens your child rather than a list of warnings. Not "don't misbehave, don't fail, don't disappoint us," but "we believe in you, work hard, make good choices, ask for help when you need it, and remember we are here for you." Third term may be the promotional term, but promotion should not be the only measure of a successful one. A child who grows in discipline, responsibility, resilience and the ability to make wise choices is making progress too.
The writer is the Executive Director of Hope Regeneration Africa, Parenting Coach, Marriage Counsellor, and Founder of the Men of Purpose Mentorship Programme.